DO

Dear Web,

I’m sorry to report that I’m leaving you.  I’ll be googling and taking away all you might know about me. And the things I can’t take with me… Well, I’ll mess those just to make sure you won’t share them with anyone else, ever.

I could say “it’s not you, it’s me” but I’d be lying. The fact is that IT IS YOU. I’m sick of having you go out and share our stuff with one billion people. Why couldn’t you just keep things quiet? “This is a local shop for local people” comes to mind.

I’m sorry but you’re just a wreck and I don’t want to hear from you until you get your shit together.

Your’s trully,

<Messed up signature>